Meditation

Part of the managing-my-eating-habits program is a daily meditation period. I take half an hour first thing in the morning to do my meditation. I begin with a little booklet that has a reading, question, prayer, and meditation starter for each day of the year (today was February 27th special subject) all contained on about the space of a 3x5 card. I have found it works better if I sit in the Living Room -- unlike the Family Room, chaos does not reign here. I concentrate on some beautiful things that live in that room.

Today's was especially effective. First I remembered that when I worked -- the last year was particularly stressful -- I kept a picture of the flower bench in our back yard on my desk. Pre-retirement I had really beautiful potted geraniums and impatiens on that bench. That picture helped center me when I really was about to explode. I have neglected my garden since I retired and haven't needed it as a stress buster. I will get back out there and try to bring it back this summer. Right now the blood red Japonica Camellia is blooming and I only see it when I go out to pick oranges. What a waste for the flowers and a loss for me.

Second, I somehow got in touch with my dad. He was probably the finest and most giving person I have ever known. This morning I almost felt like he was in the room and communicating with me. I wasn't channeling or anything, I just felt his presence and his strength.

She is a Healthy Old Girl

The Wondermouse -- she who is the boss of us all -- had a visit to her doctor yesterday for a rabies shot and her six monthly blood/urine panel. When you are about a million in cat years they check you every six months to be sure you are still functioning correctly.

Doctor Elliott called this afternoon to say that "her values are completely unchanged from two checks ago", which means everything is working correctly and she is in amazing shape for a catperson of her advanced years.

Healthy or not, she seems to be recovering from her most unpleasant experience by sleeping and demanding lap time.

When we made our little journey yesterday she began to gripe as soon as I put her in the carrier and continued to complain all the way to the Vet Hospital. It took us a bit longer than she had hoped to take care of paperwork and money after and she let out such a cross sounding "Gamow!" that somebody else at the front desk said "That was an angry sound." Like her mother, she has decided that she is old now and she can be as crabby and rude as she likes. So liberating!

Day 2

Second day of working the plan and eating the food has been good. I attended a meeting this morning, met some very nice new people, did a better job of my meditation, managed to drive past Freeport Bakery without wanting too badly to stop in and have an almond horn or at least a muffin, and ate my planned meals all day. I did not make phone calls -- that is going to be a hard one for me (we are supposed to call other people in the meetings to touch base -- helps keep you on track and growing).

Today I learned:

1. I have even less concept than I thought yesterday of how much 4 or 6 ounces is with various food.
2. Things shrink when you cook them. 10.5 ounces of raw asparagus equals about 8 after cooking. Eggplant shrinks even more.
3. It is taking me very long to prepare and eat my meals. Professional cooks who probably always weigh and measure everything and still get it out fast are amazing! For a while when I was still plugging away at my dinner I felt something like when I was a kid and everyone else was done and I had to sit there and finish. That didn't happen often, but the feeling remains and the little kid was right there in my head tonight.

Alex sometimes eats the same thing I do with the addition of a starch and less veggie, but not tonight. Tonight I had baked tofu and he had meat balls. He also had a baked potato and butter on his asparagus. Needless to say....... He had Girl Scout cookies too.

I felt very positive all day and smiled at all the people and dogs I met on my walk this afternoon. We were visited by Jehovah's Witnesses, somebody Alex simply shut the door on, and a lady collecting for something to do with rides for kids. She may have been hustling us, but we gave her some spare change anyway. Now I think I will go out and solve this economic crisis.

Off to a Start

This is my "before" picture -- not very flattering, as expected. Usually I avoid having my picture taken at all and almost never unless I'm wearing a jacket. I tell myself that wearing a jacket makes you look slimmer. This one is just jeans and a tee shirt in all of my unglory. Hopefully we will be taking some progress pictures and have a great after in a few months.


The first day of working the plan taught me several things:

1. Calling fellow participants just to talk is a good thing. You feel supported and get to visit with somebody else who knows where you are coming from.
2. I don't much like unflavored nonfat yogurt. It's fine used as a condiment but is sort of like eating just sour cream by itself. It's good for me and I hope (unlike Scotch and coffee) I will acquire a taste for it.
3. Six ounces of vegetables is a lot (except cauliflower, which is apparently a heavy veg) and six ounces of lettuce is a BIG salad. It is taking me longer to eat my dinner.
4. When I try to meditate I tend to doze off.

I have far less concept of what food weighs than I had imagined. This is certainly going to be a learning experience. I actually tend to underestimate how much 4 ounces (protein serving) or 6 ounces is.

I also found that I may not be able to work out as hard. I think before I was working off all of those carbs. After my workout this morning -- strenuous, but not my top daily score -- I felt dizzy and had to sit down for a minute. My energy level has been high but it ebbs a little bit sooner. Another meeting tomorrow morning.

I've started

I went to my second meeting today and found a sponsor -- one I think will encourage me to really work the program. Since I didn't have the food plan until this afternoon, I had my first real FA meal this evening. I went shopping late afternoon and I now have the correct food. By the way, I've got all sort of edibles in my house that Alex won't eat and which will need to find a home. Soy milk, for instance (yes, that would be drink, not eat). I'm the only person I know who really loves it and it -- of course -- is sweetened. My favorite salad dressing also has sugar listed as the second ingredient. Why did I never notice that before?

Dinner was a 4 oz. pork chop, a huge salad with a drizzle of oil and vinegar, and far more cooked broccoli and carrots that I had imagined 6 oz to be. I actually had to zap a couple of asparagus spears and add them to the veggies to make up the 6 oz. I won't be hungry before bedtime. Tomorrow's task is to buy a digital food scale and bathroom scale. My old dial-up scale really isn't very good and they do ask that you use a digital.

This morning's meeting was a very good one and I met so many people who had lost far more than the pounds I need to lose to be in my recommended goal weight. They look wonderful and healthy and are really an inspiration. Once I reach goal weight there may be adjustments to the eating plan, but they still won't include chocolate cake or my beloved brownies. Oh, well. I will just have to find a way to reward myself that doesn't include food. If you haven't yet, it might be a good time to sell the Freeport Bakery stock and buy Coldwater Creek.

I'll have Alex take a "before picture" and keep the blog updated as I progress.

First Food Addict's meeting

I attended my very first meeting last night of the 12-step program I hope will help me build a healthier relationship with food. Today was the first day without wheat, sugar -- or peanut butter. It encourages fresh food, with frozen the second choice. It also offers a great deal of support and a strong dose of faith.

Oddly enough, though I do pray, and regularly, I don't pray for myself. Somehow that has always seemed selfish. This program asks that I turn my food issues over to a higher power. It also asks that I meditate, attend meetings regularly, and reach out to other people. The reaching out to people I don't yet know is going to be the hardest part at first (along with sticking to my food plan in social situations). I also need to find a sponsor. I spoke to one member who is accepting one sponsee this afternoon, but there are three people seeking the spot. I should have an answer soon. She needs to decide who is the best fit for her. I will be attending another meeting tomorrow, and one on Saturday.

Anyway, I followed the plan -- as I understand it -- today and don't feel hungry. Now I need to move to the spiritual and service part of the plan.

I don't really want to be thin -- just a healthy weight that results in better numbers when they check my blood pressure, cholesterol, blood sugar, etc. I don't want to think about food, I just want to automatically eat correctly.

I'm working to learn to eat what I need, not what I have learned to want. I'm also hoping to become a better, happier person while I am at it.

Celebration of 50 Years

A Golden Anniversary -- our second in six months! In this world where something like 50% of marriages end in divorce it is wonderful to be able to help our friends celebrate 50 years of caring, and loving, and helping, and dealing with whatever life throws at you together.


We attended a great party this last weekend in San Diego. There were old friends, good food, a really remarkable home, and laughter. Alex had known some to those present since childhood. There are two pictures of the anniversary couple, one of Alex with Bill Horning and Wally Meads, and one of me sitting with Judy Horning (the carved stool I was sitting on is one of the many treasures).

Both the bride and groom are artists. He is a wood sculptor and the details in their home are amazing. The bride paints tropical paintings with the sorts of colors that tend to draw me to a picture. They both have a wonderful eye. Needless to say, the entire house and garden serve as an art gallery with something fantastic to see around every corner. I am going to request an invitation back some time when we are in San Diego and there isn't a crowd present. I just want to get a better look!

Notably absent was old pal -- and one of my very favorite bloggers -- Irwin. He hasn't been blogging much lately, either, or I would tell you to check out his blog to see why he was missed. He's a really funny guy -- claims he is not George Carlin, but I'm not sure I believe him. Irwin grew up in a neighborhood some of his old friends called "Tough Heights" along with the groom and many of the party guests.

One more note -- Alex saw his vascular guy this morning and no action is needed for the time being. He will be re-ultrasounded and visit Dr. Park again in six months.

Progress to Goal

Yesterday morning was the dreaded monthly weigh-measure-in at Curves. You don't actually have to do it (though it is strongly encouraged) but I am making myself participate as part of my 2009 focus. The weight loss was less than I had hoped -- just about three pounds this month -- but I did lose inches. This is possible because I have been building muscle. My calves are hard as a rock and I'm looking forward to short pants season.

I lost 1/2 to one inch everywhere except in my abdomen. That blasted tummy! Even my waist is smaller by an inch. Abdomen is measured around the largest part of your tummy, which is not my waist. I read somewhere that after menopause a woman's body mimics the contours of pregnancy. That is surely true in my case.

Anyway, progress is being made even with just the new exercise program and a bit of dietary discretion. We are heading to San Diego for a long weekend -- and another 50th Anniversary party -- then I will get very serious about the diet thing. Mid-March you can expect that I will report I'm looking like Kate Walsh.

I also reorganized the everyday section of my closet and got rid of three things. I almost kept the pants because they have an elastic waistband (don't you just love those?), but I only wear those pants from a sense of duty, so out they went. Why is it that we say "Well, since it is hanging in my closet I really do need to wear it once in a while, even if it makes me feel really frumpy." There are still a few more things that should really go also. I have trouble getting rid of things that still fit and aren't particularly worn. Baby steps.

Retirement

A friend of Alex's called this afternoon and, in the absence of my hubby, we chatted for a few minutes. Our talk got me thinking about my original concept of retirement and the reality of the past six years. The economy is having some effect on how we spend these golden years but it hasn't really changed the basics.

I had assumed that at some point we would decide to move back to Southern California to be closer to family. I didn't really think our kids would be here in Sacramento. I thought we would buy a condo, have one cat that was car-trained or one small dog, take a trip or two each year, have lovely dinner parties, and have lunch once a week with friends -- probably at Anthony's. We always try to eat at Anthony's when we are in San Diego and there have always been grey-haired couples and groups enjoying their meal and the view of the water (San Diego Bay at the Embarcadero or the pond at Grossmont). They look like people who have known one another for years and feel comfortable together. Like the dresses in that Tide commercial, our outer selves tend to droop and fade through the years. It's nice to sometimes spend time with folks who remember the younger us and the glory days of our misspent youth.

The reality, of course, is much different. We will probably be here taking care of this four-bedroom house with more-than-sufficient yard until we are too old to live alone. We have five pet cats (although the Wondermouse is very, very old) and a nice little feral colony in the back yard. We really don't travel that much -- logistics, you know. But most of all, we rarely have lunch or whatever with old friends. We go to Tower Cafe or Jack's Urban Eats or Johnny Rockets for breakfast or lunch, but it is just the two of us. I have dear and wonderful girlfriends here in Sacramento whose laughter helps keep me sane. I have lunch with my Curves homegirls or Soroptimist Tea Divas every couple of weeks, but the two of us don't meet friends for lunch. Tom and Darlene are up near Grass Valley, but we don't see them often enough. We meet couples friends for a meal or an evening mostly when we go to San Diego.

I would change very little about my life now. Lesley and Tim would be closer. I'd still prefer a condo or a patio home. And our old friends would be closer.

We did meet people at Anthony's twice when we were down in San Diego last November, by the way. It was just as nice as I always thought it would be.

In Praise of Dogs

I'm sure most people who know me think of me as a cat person. That's not strictly true. Although I dearly love my own cats and any others I have met, I'm also really fond of dogs. I grew up in a household that included some marvelous dogs, as well as cats, snakes, birds, a hamster or two, and I can't even remember what else. We had pet everythings at our house.

Every year about this time I make the mistake of watching the Westminster Kennel Club dog show on television. What great dogs! Last weekend it was the hunting breeds and they do have fantastic personalities. They run across the ring as though they were just having the best fun. Makes me want to add a dog to our household. If my darling felines wouldn't freak out (that would just be the last straw for Eugenie, as if .... never mind) I would probably do so. Vet bills be damned!

I see the greatest dogs in the park when I walk. There is one Doxy who walks twice a day with his elderly owner. The lady can barely get around herself, but she has to walk her dog, so out she goes. I think they walk about a block and a half. Takes them nearly an hour. People who tend to avoid exercise should all own dogs. There is the very distinguished grey-haired man with the standard poodle, the older Japanese couple with the even older Sheltie (all of them move along quite snappily), the couple who are probably in their fifties with the Golden Lab and the brown mutt, and my friend Shirley with her furry little Penny. I'm guessing these four-legged buddies go far toward keeping these people healthy in mind and body.

Here's to dogs! I'm glad our ancestors decided to invite them into the cave.