A Tribute to Young Mothers

My office window looks onto a park and the playground is roughly 100 feet from our house. As a result, on sunny days we can hear young children playing -- a truly joyful sound. We bought this house 30+ years ago largely because of that playground. At the time the girls were five and two-and-a-half. It proved to be the perfect gathering place for young moms and preschool children. We met neighbors and made good friendships at the playground. I'm still so glad it is there.

Last night at dusk -- the end of several overcast and damp days -- I looked out and noticed a stroller at the playground. A young mom was there watching her young person play on the slide and climbing equipment. I was a bit surprised, then remembered how it felt when a little one has been confined to the house for too many days. I'm guessing she needed a few minutes of fresh air action to settle him/her (it's hard to tell when they are all bundled up) for supper and bedtime.

It's early yet, but today looks sunnier and I expect young parents and not-so-young grandparents will be out enjoying that sunshine later in the day. Raising children isn't easy. You don't always do things quite the way you had planned and the outcome is not guaranteed. It's the best and most important job in the world, however. Mom's (and child-caring dads) definitely have executive qualities. They have to plan ahead, think creatively, and always have a Plan B -- and C, D, etc. They have to have patience and faith. They don't get raises or promotions if they do a good job.

Sometimes I think that if I had just worked all of the time at a paying job I would be far more financially secure. I would not, however, be richer. I'm lucky to be blessed with amazing grown children. I have friends who were probably better parents than I was who are not so fortunate.

Here is to the moms and dads who go out in the cold to take the children to the playground, who attend games and recitals, who act as tot-taxis, who are there when the school/team/youth organization needs them. Whose rewards tend to be sticky. I think it is much harder now than when my girls were growing up. Hang in there guys. The future of our world depends on you.

PS. As I finish this I begin to hear happy screams. There is a father (grandfather?) out there pushing two children -- about 3 or 4 I think -- on the swings. It really is cool to live next to a playground!

Tasks for a Rainy Day

It has been cold and damp outside and staying in is a treat. Since I am in the house I have finally been getting things in de-holiday condition. The tree went down, in its box, and was carted into the garage yesterday. It's really too big for the box and the box broke open (despite about 40 yards of strapping tape), so I stuffed it back in and tied it with some rope left over from Mom's move last summer. Boy Scouts are taught to tie proper knots. I hope that Girl Scouts and Camp Fire are now teaching that same skill. We ladies have to have talents in all sorts of areas these days.

I've also had a few extra laundry loads this week (part of being a member of the sandwich generation) and I can tell you that there isn't a much better activity on a cold day than folding laundry. It smells nice and it's warm. Now I'm off to the living room to move furniture.

Our Little Buddy is Gone

Yesterday our little foster kitty, Todd, went to an adoption event and never really came home.

A nice young couple (reminds me of Nancy and Ryan, and Les and Tim) came to the event especially to meet him and fell in love with him. They already have two lady cats and were anxious to add out little guy to their family. Mary (our cat social worker) brought him to me and I delivered him to their home without even bringing him inside our house. Like anything painful, these things are best done as quickly as possible. He now has a wonderful forever home and we have a little hole in our family.

When we take the fosters into our house, we know they will be leaving us. Sometimes it's in a couple of weeks -- and those are easy and joyful. A few times it has been a couple of months -- and those were bittersweet. This time we had had him for six months and he really had become one of our family. I miss him when I come in from the garage and he isn't waiting to greet me, or when he doesn't help me while I eat breakfast and attempt to read the newspaper. Our other cats obviously are aware of his absence and my reaction and are trying to comfort me. When you live with animals they can tell when you are sad and they really do try to help.

We have decided to take a time out for a month or so. There is a kitten needing a foster home now, but Alex and I and our furry kids need the break. I'm sure in a month or so Mary will call and say that there is a cat or kitten who really needs a home, and we will open ours to it once again. In the meantime, our sadness is tempered with the knowledge that we did a little something to help one small and very dear animal. We know that we passed an affectionate and trusting little guy on to a young couple who will love and care for him and whose lives he will leave a little bit richer.

I often wish I had the means or the talent to make a huge difference in the world, but I tell myself that if each of us can make a small difference -- within the scope of our ability -- we can collectively do even more than a Bill Gates or Warren Buffett.

A Well-Lived Life

This has been one of those weeks -- busy-ness without much accomplishment. The high point of our week was a funeral. It was a truly uplifting experience and I'm glad we could be there.

Ralph Amato was the uncle of our son-in-law, Tim. Toward the end of his life he was the custodian at a school. I didn't have the privilege of knowing him well, but he was always a very sweet and friendly man. He was the sort of person you couldn't help liking.

The priest who officiated obviously knew and liked him as well. He talked about his patience with the children (who aren't always easy to work with) and the fact that he had a "simple heart". He didn't leave a large house or a fancy car or a lot of fancy electronic equipment or a big stock portfolio. He wasn't accorded great honors. He didn't wield power in business or politics. His wealth was in being loved -- and in being missed. Marty (Tim's mom) said his death leaves a hole in her heart. Her husband, Gary, just said "He was a really good guy." I got the impression that a lot of people felt that way about him.

His life should be a reminder to us all that success can best be measured by how much you enrich the lives of other people. I hope that I can remember that lesson.

During the service the priest said that he is now the custodian at a school for cherubim. Seems like a fitting reward for someone who was a good guy.

It was a Good Day

We had been worrying about Nancy and a lump under her arm. She spent hours with the doctors today and learned that she is feeling scar tissue. They did an untrasound to double check and it really isn't anything to worry about. I wonder if a new pair of shoes will turn up in her closet by the end of the week.

On the household front, we have a new vacuum cleaner (nothing pricey or posh, just new). It is a Hoover, a pretty sagey green, and it actually picks up dirt and kitty hair on the first pass. I cleaned the family room rug in less than five minutes. We had known that the old one was on its last legs because it really seemed weak and it sounded like an elephant in labor every time we used it. Still, I had no idea how bad it was until I vacuumed with the new one. Amazing! I may actually have to clean house now.

And, if Jan is reading this, tell Bruce that it doesn't even take seven passes. Such a concept!

Post Holiday Chores

It is January second and I'm starting to take down the Christmas decorations. Not the tree. I'm letting myself leave it up for another week or so. It transforms our living room and I'm just not ready to let it go. This year I got nice plastic totes from Costco to replace many of the cardboard boxes that have lived on our garage shelves for years. We will be able to see what's in there and they will keep things more dust-free.

Last night I had a purple bath with floating stars (don't you just love Lush?) and had the little silver anglaspel (rotating Christmas trees powered by a tea light) to heighten the mood. The little luxuries are the best! The anglaspel gets put away until next year. The Christmas red towels are in the washer as I write and will go into the lovely new totes when they come out of the dryer.

Part of the beauty of real flowers is in the fact that they last such a short time. I think the holiday season is like that also. Just one month out of the year keeps our holiday traditions always fresh and precious.

A New Beginning

New year's Day is like a clean sheet of paper, or a clean room -- full of possibilities.

I found that I met only one of my goals for 2009 (albeit one that will probably give me more years to meet goals) and I'm hoping the 2010 goals are more realistic. One thing not mentioned in my profile is that my 12-step program involves a lot of meditation and self-searching. Sometimes it is very painful. Lately I have been dealing with some hard realizations and one of my tasks is simply to get over them. The past is the past and we need to give up old hurts and resentments and regrets. We can't change what we did or didn't do and we need not to beat ourselves up over things that happened years ago -- not even things that happened yesterday. This sounds like a downer. It isn't really. Bringing some of "our stuff" to the surface helps us deal with it so that it is no longer coloring everything that happens in our lives.

I start this year in much better health than last year with all of my doctor numbers in the healthy range. I'm happier with my appearance, though that wasn't the motivator for the weight loss. I have begun the journey of self-discovery. I am asking to change certain habits and instincts. I'm hoping to be of use in 2009. I want to bring my home to the physical state that ensures if anything happens to me my daughters will not have a mess to clear.

There are all of those possibilities out there. I just need to learn to reach out and take them.